with equal parts compassion & hilarity

Aiming for becoming (& a comfy chair)

Close up of green leafs and pink sparkly flowers

A few weeks ago, before all the craziness that is COVID-19, I cornered the man I love most in the world and word vomited on him:

“Listen. My butt hurts. I cannot keep sitting on this hard, uncomfortable kitchen chair to do my work. I cannot! The incredible discomfort literally causes me to avoid my writing; my job. It’s because my butt hurts and there’s no lumbar support and I’m 25 and I need to take care of my body. And you know what else?!”

(he did not know what else)

“I’m sick and tired of this ‘I can’t, it won’t work, we should be in a house before I have an office’ limited mindset going on in my brain. It’s making me mental!”

(silence)

“We need to make this work better. I need an office space with a desk and a chair and I don’t know where it will go and I need help because it’s overwhelming me and the wrinkles in my forehead are becoming more defined. Will you help me?!”

(yeah, sure, no problem)

Well, reader, I’m proud to report live from the field that is my new office corner that we were able to come up with a creative solution to the problem. My butt does not hurt in my new chair!

We rearranged and got rid of a few things (how do we still have stuff?!). We measured the wall and ordered a desk online. I chair shopped and made a Pinterest board of how I would decorate the corner to cover up the giant fuse board while also inspiring creativity. 

The space is still in progress so no, I don’t have a cute little “after” picture to show you. I also haven’t done much decorating because I’m realizing I’m slow to things like that and I’d like to do some in-person shopping which isn’t physically possible right now. And, like I said, my office space is basically a corner. I don’t have much real estate to work with so I need to be extra intentional with what I choose to add to the space. I haven’t added a single decoration in three weeks. I’m, ahem, taking my time. 

However, if you do care to see, I can offer you a “becoming” picture:

It feels more realistic and relatable anyway because, after all, aren’t we all in a perpetual state of becoming? We’re constantly learning more and more in each day of every year. We’re learning about communicating with coworkers and classmates in new ways (thanks, Zoom!), how to read well, how to not yell at the people we love, how to turn away from a limited mindset, and how to speak truth to ourselves.

I think most of us are all just after becoming better versions of ourselves. And, we’re not striving for perfection, right? Because that’s not real. If you’re doing that, I suggest that you cut that out right now. 

You’re simply aiming for becoming. Becoming a better student, or a better spouse, or a better mother, a better teacher, a better volunteer, a better listener, a better dancer, or a better rest-er (a person who rests!).

You’re becoming. Just like my office corner, I think it’s okay to take it slow. It’s okay to be picky and intentional about what you’re adding and subtracting from yourself and from your life. It’s okay to add something and then realize that you don’t actually like that picture frame that much or realize that it’s no longer serving you in the way it once did. 

You can always take it down to try a different picture or maybe you scrap pictures altogether and opt for a scribbled quote thumbtacked on the wall. Try the new job for a bit, try the new online dance class for a few weeks, try them out and see how they go. 

As you’re trying pay attention to what’s going on inside you. Is anything causing discomfort, like does your butt hurt? Do you feel anxious in your gut when you do this one particular activity? Are you getting a lot of headaches? Are you extra tired? Pay attention. 

Other the other hand, perhaps you notice positive things. Perhaps you feel sunshine in your heart when you’re singing or baking or walking. If you do, then do more of that. Increase that sunshine and joy; do the things that make you feel more alive.

However, when/if you find something that you wish was different, choose to say, “I can X, I can make X work by Y. Yeah, I can make the change right now, it’s possible. I’m possible.” Then, try out X, try out Y. You’re aiming for becoming, not perfection. 

Sometimes the process is a lot harder than, “My butt hurts. I need a new chair.” Actually, it is almost always harder than that, but I believe in you. You’re strong and capable and, frankly, smokin’ hot. 

What is one area you are becoming in? What is one area in your life that you are nurturing in a state of becoming?


Want more Alexis in your inbox? I mostly send out blog posts and other meaningful musings to my lovely email list subscribers.

When you sign up you also get The 60 Second Self-Talk Check-In which is exactly what it sounds like. My hope is that you use this guide to pause for 60 seconds, check yourself before you wreck yourself, and speak good truth to yourself. Hint: this will help you identify that limited mindset I was talking about in this post!


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